Are the rules you follow actually yours?

I’ll never forget when a business coach asked me that question.  I remember pausing because I could not confidently say yes.

All of the sudden, I felt my ideas, ideologies and viewpoints unravel in front of me.  What of my own belief system is actually mine?  How have these beliefs influenced my business? Which felt authentic and which felt forced?

It was a lot to take in on a Wednesday morning.

This conversation led me to the book, “Code of the Extraordinary Mind” by Vishen Lakhiani. Full disclosure, I am always down to deep dive into any business/self-help book I can get my hands on.

But this book was different…

It didn’t give me a laundry list of tools to try or methods to execute my work more efficiently.  Lakhiani wanted to start with the foundations of how I view the world and how it shapes the business I want to grow.

My favorite part of this experience has been confronting all of my “Brules” (Bulls**t rules). A brule is defined as “the bulls**t rules we adopt to the simplify our understanding of the world.”

They are basically the lies we have been forced to believe from society, our social circles or even our childhood.

The exercise is simple.  List out as many beliefs you consciously and subconsciously follow that you can think of.  This can be applicable to both our personal and professional lives.  I confronted the brules that I felt limited my success with my business, MEND Jewelry.

Here are a few of my business-related Brules: 

—Women can’t be leaders.

—I must be happy/positive/energetic/ all of the time when running my business or it will look like I’m ungrateful.

—I must work 100 hours a week to be successful.

—Asking for help = sign of weakness.

Once I confronted these brules, I realized my worries and doubts were rooted in beliefs that were never mine.

Here are those brules updated into my own rules: 

—Leadership roles belong to all that are qualified (gender & race should not be a determining factor)

—As a business owner, I am allowed to have off days and face challenges. It means I’m a human.

—I will prioritize my work based on what drives the most impact on my business and time manage appropriately. I will create a balance between working hard and taking time off when needed.

—The more we learn and ask questions, the faster we grow.

Now, I know this sounds simple.  But going through this process has allowed me to prioritize what is actually important to my company.  It gives me the power to focus on what aligns with my own rules and discard those that don’t.  It’s pretty liberating.

So, which rules are YOU following? And are they actually yours?

Jordyn DiOrio
CEO
MEND Jewelry

Jordyn designs each treasure with one keen eye on current fashion and design trends and the other on powerful, healing symbols that both ground and inspire women. Her debut year included the launch of five collections, being featured at Nordstrom and MartinPatrick 3, and locking in venture capital. She is the recipient of Twin Cities Start-Up and Rising Young Professional awards.